Monday, May 28, 2007

Memorial Day Weekend, 2007

The only thing worth interrupting the TNT Law & Order marathon for is the discovery of the Jaws marathon on Encore. The Brody Brothers have just been reunited at the gates of Sea World setting off a chain of 3-D events. Culminating in the spectacular demise of Louis Gossett Jr. All four movies. All day long.

At eight o'clock The History Channel is airing a special about the mythology of Star Wars.

It is as if the Gods of Cable heard I was planning on spending the day in PJs, recovering from the weekend-long grilling bacchanal. Hooray for long, cool draughts of water and chocolate chip cookies.

Even the cats are lazing it up. The cats, however, are pretty much always lazing it up. It's what they seem to do best. Second only to waking us up at ungodly hours for no discernible reason. Beatrice is splayed out, lolling around in front of the television. The fan ruffling the white fur on her stomach. Jabber, I'm assuming, is under the bed. He's scared of the fans. All of them. Also the dishwasher and any noises coming in through the windows. Summer is a tough season for Ole Boy.

Summer. It's already summer. It feels like just yesterday that I was complaining that summer would never arrive and here it is. tells me we have 501 days until our wedding. If we get the date we want. If we find a place to have it. When we find a place to have it? Another trip down to New Orleans in July. A couple of more venues to investigate. And then hopefully, this October, I can get a committee together to come down with me and find a florist and talk decor.

But between then and now there are still 3 other peoples' weddings to attend. Gotta stay focused. Gotta keep my head in the game. Gotta pick out some hot outfits, book some travel arrangements and ship out some gifts. It's going to be busy. So bring it on, summer.

Bring it on.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Cute Shoe Revolution

Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm here to share with you a new plan for total personal happiness and fulfillment.

(Hold for applause.)

It's really simple!
There aren't a lot of complicated steps to follow. So there's no literature to buy.
And, while there is an initial investment cost, how much you contribute is entirely up to you! There is no minimum.
And there's definitely no maximum!

(Hold for laughter.)

I just need you to listen to me on this. I know what I am talking about! And I want YOU to know what I'm talking about too! Are you ready?

(Hold for response.)

Are you ready?

(Hold for response.)

Are you ready?

(Hold for response.)

Then, Ladies and Gentlemen, give me your un-de-vided attention because here it is. Here's the secret. I'm going to tell it to you right now. This is what you need to do.

Buy yourself a pair of shoes.

You heard me right. It really is THAT simple. All it takes, at the start, is one. new. pair. of. shoes.

What kind of shoes? Doesn't matter.
Whatever you prefer.
Me? I favor a cute shoe.

(Show them the totally cute Anne Klein peep-toes you got last weekend.)

(Note: Get pedi b4 conference!!)

But you may like something a little more sporty. Or formal even. Whatever you want. We can't decide for you. And we don't want to! YOU are the best guide to your own happiness. And we're not about making choices for you. We're here to give you a "step" in the right direction!

(Don't forget to take the step!)

In the next (check time) ____ minutes I am going to give you all the tools you need to feel "pumped" about going out there and starting your own Cute Shoe Revolution!

(Hold for applause.)

Why buy new shoes?
How can shoes make you happy?

Let me ask you this: How can shoes NOT make you happy?

The right pair of shoes not only helps you look better, they help you feel better. Feel better about your feet. Feel better about your outfit. Feel better about you. Feel better about THE WORLD!

(Hold for applause.)

Say you're in a store. Say you're there to buy some bath towels and you're walking down the aisles and you have to go through the shoe section to get to the bath towels. And as you're going past all of these shoes you see a pair. That one pair. It's perfect. It calls to you from the shelf. And you see these shoes and you love them! You hear them calling and you love them.

What do you do?

Do you say to yourself "Oh, those are lovely shoes. Too bad I'm only here to buy towels?"


You pick up those shoes! You try those shoes on. You walk around, find that little mirror on the bench and model those shoes for yourself. Do they look good? Do they feel good?

Then you BUY those shoes. You can still get the towels! You can get towels anytime. But you need to start buying yourself those shoes!

It doesn't matter if you have something to wear them with. You can build an outfit from the ground up if the shoes are cute. It doesn't even matter if you have a pair at home "just like them."

Let me clue you in on a little secret:

No two pairs of shoes are exactly alike.
And the small, sometimes indeterminate, differences are what make them all necessary!

Because you know you are going to want an alternate pair to wear while you're breaking the new ones in.

I'm not going to lie to you here. It's true. We all know it's true. New shoes can be painful. New shoes can hurt. But when that day comes when you take the band-aids off, when the blisters have healed over and you're no longer hobbling around you know it's worth it. You know!

Because your feet look great! They just look fabulous. And they make your legs look good and shapely. Your whole posture changes and all of your clothes look better. And when you go out there feeling like a million bucks you can MAKE a million bucks.

And, when you make a million bucks what are you going to do with all that money? What are you going to do with it all?

That's right. You're going to go out and buy more, cute shoes.

Now I'm just going to take a little break here. Take a sip of water while my associates pass our pamphlets out to you and get my transparencies mounted up on that screen.

Mmh, this is good. What is this? Evian?

Saturday, May 12, 2007


It's not that I have known you for so long.
It's that I knew you so long ago.

The world and you and I were young
and more frivolous with our affections.

Different times and different pains
Different loves and reasons
came together, composing what was at once a friendship.

Kin by different bloodlines.
Running even deeper, at times, than veins can run in a body.

More solid than flesh and everlasting for the time.

When our world was one with walkable circumference
we were all it took to fill it.
Now the world is broader, bigger, wider than we ever bothered to imagine
when all of our time was filled with each other.

The distance between us makes the difference.
Not on maps so much as minds.
And hearts.
In soul and spirit.

It is the horizons that have changed.
Our angles in relation to the sun
and how we choose to revolve around it.

None of what we are or who we were has altered much.
Or been altered.
We are who we are who we were who we shall be.

The world, it seems, is big enough for both of us.
You there and me here.

Where ever there and here may be.