Thursday, August 31, 2006

How Did I Get Here?

Which, of course, is a question that leaves itself wide open to many and varied interpretations.

Most of which are best tackled on a day I do not already feel like going on a multi-state killing spree.

So I'll just ask this question: When did we start having to work 9 hour days?
I remember it used to be nine to five. There's even a movie and a song about it.
And now?
8-5
8:30-5:30
9-6
9:30-6:30
10-7

Can I get my hour back?

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

"Hear now a curious dream I dreamed last night"

Firstly curious because I knew I had been at the location of my dream before. Only I could not (and still cannot) remember if it was a real place or if I visited in another dream.

Secondly curious because all of the rooms in the mansion I was visiting in this dream kept moving. As in: exit library, enter kitchen, walk back through the door you just came through and it's now a bedroom instead of the library.

Thirdly curious because all of the staircases kept shifting. Not in the fun Hogwarts sort of way. But more in the way that what was once a proper staircase as I ascended was now a rope ladder as I attempted to descend.

There were also a lot of people I attribute to high school in this dream with me. As if we were on a field trip perhaps. Except I was in charge because I had already been there. Thus, everyone expected me to know how to get from room to room and floor to floor. Only, I could never figure it out because everything kept shifting.

I do know that the grounds were exquisitely manicured and there were many beautiful flowers growing outside. There WAS something else, something in the lake. But that's the part I've already forgotten.

I meant to write this all down when I first woke up but started rushing around to get ready for work.

Which is what I suspect this dream was about.
Much anxiety.
I am considering running away with the circus.
Can't be any crazier than working here right now.
Plus, nothing beats calliope music!

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Dear Mr. Fisk

1. What is the middle name of the first person you ever slept with?
I am unaware of any middle name he may have had.

2. What kind of underwear are you wearing and what color?
Little green ones that say "angel" on them in sparkly letters.
What? Shut up.

3. What is the song you want played at your funeral?
"Dear Prudence" by The Beatles.

4. Would you tell your parents if you're gay?
If perhaps it came up.

5. What would your last meal be before getting executed?
Crap, that's tough. I don't know if I want to go out on a full stomach. Probably ziti with meatballs smothered in my grandmothers delicious sauce.

6. Beatles or Stones?
Beatles.

7. If you had to pick one person on earth who should die, who?
Fred Phelps. Deplorable excuse for a member of my species.

8. Beer, wine or hard liquor?
Wine.

9. What is the thing most important to you about your mate?
Rare moments of unrestrained silliness.

10. What are your plans for the future?
marry, write, publish, make a baby or two...move back to new york. no particular order.

12. Do you walk around the house naked?
nope. never have. never will.

13. How many drinks does it take to get you drunk?
Depends on the situation, and what I'm drinking. Generally about 4 or 5.

14. Where is your best friend?
in here with the rest of us.

15. What hair color do you like on someone you're dating?
dark.

16. Would you rather be blind or deaf?
blind.

17. Do you have any special talents?
juggling, organizing chaos from other peoples' scribblings,chocolate covered bacon.

20. Favorite hateful thing to do to someone?
2 words: wet willy

21. First movie you can remember seeing as a kid?
Splash.

22. What do you do as soon as you walk in the house?
announce myself to the cats

23. When's the last time you went on a date?
anniversary dinner 2 nights ago. Does anyone else remember when restaurants used to be quiet?

24. Do you like horror or comedy?
i think horror IS funny.

26. Person you most wish you hadn't made out with?
big. jim. degrassi.

28. If you weren't straight, what person of the same sex would you do it with?
Ha. Ha. Thought you could get me with that one AGAIN? Nope. Not playin that game no more.

29. Where do you want to live when you are old?
somewhere near the beach.

30. Who is the person you can count on most?
me.

31. If you could date any celebrity past or present, who would it be?
Walter Matthau.

32. Where was your first kiss with your mate?
Outside of a party for our friend Jen's birthday.

33. What did you dream last night?
i have no idea.

34. What is your favorite sport to watch?
curling. it always makes for good conversation.

35. When was the last time you got laid?
recent enough. thanks for asking.

36. What is your new obsession?
home decorating.

37. If you could take back one thing in your past, what would it be?
there is a list. i keep it in my heart. not on the internet.

38. Do you have a college degree?
BA Creative Writing for Theater, SUNY New Paltz class of 1998

39. What was the amount of your last electric bill?
$150 or so. stupid utilities monopolies.

40. Do you have life insurance?
yes

41. How many hours per week do you have to work?
40+

42. Have you ever attended a Toastmasters event?
no. i don't actually know what that is. i organized a roast for someone once...does that...? no, i didn't think so.

43. Favorite place to attend Happy Hour?
Snug Harbor, New Paltz New York. Best jukebox evah.

44. How many miles is your commute to work each day (one way)?
not far. close enough to walk it in an hour if i chose to do so.

45. What time do you get up every morning?
if the cats are being wretched jerks, anywhere between 5am and 6am. By choice, 6:45.

46. What is your definition of sleeping in late?
10am.

47. Have you found any gray hairs?
for years and years and years. blessed be clairol.

48. Do you check your cholesterol on a yearly basis?
yep.

49. How large was your first cellular phone??
not too big but paid for by mom, which made it HUGE!

50. Does your employer provide good health insurance?
not so much.

51. Did you use the internet to write a research paper back in high school or did you do it with encyclopedias and research books in the library?
there was no internet for me in high school. i remember sending emails in college but i don't remember doing any research that didn't actually involve books.

52. What is your earliest memory?
mmmmmh, something involving my scooby-doo wading pool.

53. Have you attended a HS reunion?
went to the 10 year. never going back again.

54. How many jobs have you held in your professional career?
ugh. six if you count helping to run "wing & groove theatre co." and more if you count the temp jobs i've held.

55. Have you ever been fired or laid off from a job?
hells yeah.

56. What is your favorite drink?
iced coffee, a tasty shiraz, or perhaps a nice syrah, fat tire beer, top shelf vodka and soda, mexican hot chocolate.

57. What is the most expensive bottle of wine that you have in your residence?
i gone done and drank them all.

58. How old were you when you stopped getting IDed for alcohol/tobacco etc...?
i still get IDed and i will thank them every time. "why how flattering, thank you so much."

59. Favorite casino?
blech

60. Are you happier now than you were in high school?
it would be impossible for me not to be

61. Did you ever have Hypercolor shirts?
no but i know people who did...er, might still actually.

62. Do you remember when Michael Jackson was black and attracted to older people?
yes because ew, who wants to date Liz Taylor?

63. What music was in your cd / cassette player when you were 16?
the cure, depeche mode, violent femmes, whatever they played on WDRE-FM.

64. Favorite fancy / upscale restaurant?
Coast sushi, right down the street.

65. How long has it been since you attended a kegger?
i believe i still attend one a year - so long as Ben Morphis is throwing 'em.

66. How many major wars have you lived through?
Well, I missed Viet Nam by about half a year. So...the cold war, the war on drugs, both gulf war actions...um, i could get really into this but i'm not going to because..yeah, no i'm just not.

67. Where were you when you found out about 9-11?
sitting at my desk in the research dept. annex at Harpo Studios trying to eat breakfast.

68. When's the last time you were at a 7-11?
About four hours ago.

69. Were you a planned baby?:
i have never asked.

70. Were you the first?:
and only.

71. Who was present at your birth?:
well, for sure my mom. that's all i know.

72. Were your parents married when you were born?:
yes. not anymore though.

73. What is your birthdate?
12/04/1975

74. Which parent do you get along with best?:
mmmmmmmh my dad i suppose.

75. What do you fight about?:
whaddya got?

76. Do you have step parents?:
no

77. Do you have more than one best friend?
yes.

78.What do you like to do when you are together?
drink, eat good food, make each other laugh

79. Do you share the same interests?:
some.

80. Which friend can you tell anything to?:
the best ones.


81. How high/low is your self esteem?:
historically it's in the toilet.

82. Do you get depressed about things easily?:
some things.

83. Are you an extrovert (outgoing) or an introvert (reserved)?
mostly introverted.

84. Are you happy?:
upon occasion.

85. Do you live life to the fullest?:
i try but it's expensive and takes a lot out of me.

86.Are you comfortable with the way you look?
at this precise moment? yeah, sure.

87. Describe your hair?
brownish-goldish-reddish with which to camouflage the grey.

88. How do you dress?
comfortably.

89. Were you a strange child?:
if i tried to deny it there would be very valid arguments to the contrary.

90. What did you used to love that you no longer do?:
not care about things.

91. Do you have the same friends?:
well, i've still got Tessa.

92. Was there anything in your past that was traumatizing?
plenty.

93. What is your ambition?:
write, publish and then happily make my living repeating the process as often as possible.

94. Are you scared of growing old?:
no. so far, so good.

95. Do you want to get married?:
yes

96. Do you prefer indoors or outdoors?:
all depends. got a porch?

97. Favorite Season:
autumn

98. Do you like walking in the rain?:
depends on the rain

99. Are you a vegetarian?
tried it once. failed when i started dreaming about McDonalds' cheese burgers.

100. What is your favorite food?:
many and varied and sundry and almost all of them.

101. What food makes you want to gag?
mushrooms.

102. What is your favorite dessert?
bread pudding.

103. What is your favorite restaurant?:
is it sad that it's Buca Di Bepo? It's just so easy...and the bottles of wine are so big.

104. Are you a fussy eater?
not really.

105. Are you single or taken?:
very taken.

106. If taken who is the lucky guy/girl?:
alberto. he makes me lucky too.

107. Do you think love is the best feeling in the world?:
ain't nuthin better.

108. Do you believe in love at first sight?:
no.

109. What was one of your greatest experiences?:
cross country trip on the Green Tortoise Bus.

110. What was one of the worst?:
Being left by my friends to find my way home alone from junior high on the second day of school.

111. Have you ever done drugs?:
yes.

112. Have you ever thought you were going to die?:
a couple of times.

Something Like A Smithereens Song

By request, and a clever one at that Hackimer, here's the virtual tour of our lovely Bucktown apartment. I don't think I actually realized how gentrified the neighborhood was until I was taking pictures on the street today. I stopped for a 50 cent lemonade at a stand run by the neighbor kids. The lemonade looked good; slice of lemon and a couple of fresh mints leaves as garnish. I was equally impressed by the sugar on the rim of the cup until I realized that it was actually Splenda. It made me miss the lemonade stands of the early 80s I gotta tell you.

So, this is the street we live on:

Charleston Street. It's a pleasant street.
Except for the bar across the way. It looks like a nice enough place. We've been in for beers a few times. It is completely overrun by a certain class of people I have come to refer to as "Jazz Jerks." Liking jazz is OK. I have been known to enjoy some jazz. Jazz Jerks though, are the type of folks who turn into insufferable assholes when confronted with philistines who cannot be "down" with their extended xylophone solos.

Screw that. I live in a strictly "no xylophone zone."

This is our building. Standard issue, turn of the century brick. One of the few left in our neighborhood. Slowly but surely all of the other classic buildings are being razed in favor of tacky condos.


Across the street from us live the current bane of our existence. We thought the Jazz Jerks were bad but The Moped Posse across the street is enough to drive you to drink. Their little club rolls out the mopeds a few times a week. They rev the engines in the driveway for about 20 minutes at a time and then roar off. Usually they circle around a few times before taking off to where ever mopeds are acceptable means of confirming coolness.
Below is The Orange Offender. I swear, I am going to do something horrible to that machine one of these days.

I'll spare you the walk up four flights of stairs and just bring you right in the front door:

It's a modest kitchen but, it gets good light. And there's room for the table. I like the openness of the space. I would like to toss the noisy closet full of Goodman model central cooling air conditioner out the F'ing window at that moped. But I shouldn't complain because, no matter how disruptive the noise is to daily life it mostly gets the job done.

Hiding on the other side of the front door is the bathroom.
And hidden it shall remain.











You enter onward into the living room. It's got, um...sofas. And bookshelves. Also a table...Well, two actually. It's the living room.




Oh, and also - it all totally matches the cat perfectly:




We, natch, have an entertainment center set up in the living room. You know, with entertaining stuff? Yeah, we've got all that.

And, as you can tell in this picture, there's a bedroom over that way.
It's Beatrice's bedroom. But, she leases it out to guest at very reasonable rates.
We've come to face the reality that everything we own is covered in a fine sheen of cat hair. So, take your allergy meds before you come over.


But wait, there's more!
This way to the master bedroom, if you please.


That on the floor is our poor, abandoned mini-Weber grill. It's hard to grill out a window I tells ya.
Oh, and this here is General Robert E. Lee. Apparently it was some sort of package deal. Bird wouldn't move without him. So now he watches everything we do.








The entire second floor is one, big room. The only drawback is that the walls are slanty. You know, the kind of space you think sounds really cool when you're reading about the attic-bound heroine in the V.C. Andrews' book. But, in reality means limited vertical space. Not so bad for me. Terrible for the tall boyfriend.

Up here is also where all of the creative stuff happens. Bird has his music and I have my desk nook. I have a nice view of open sky above my computer. It's only distracting when The Air & Water Show is in town. The sky fills with all sorts of airplanes. Bird likes to sit and watch out the window. On a clear day, you can see all the way into downtown.



I guess the last thing left to show you is the closet upstairs. It's very roomy. Yep, lots of room for clothes and shoes and storage and...well, you get the picture.


That's about it folks. You want to see more, you have to come for a visit.
Oh, who am I kidding. Here: I'm a sucker for photos.

Friday, August 25, 2006

'Cause it's FrrriiiiiiDAY!"

Yeah, that's right.
I survived the week.
Tonight my The Boyfriend and I dine fancily to celebrate three years of watching Law & Order together.
I promise posts over the weekend...probably Sunday.

Stay tuned for a virtual tour of our humble (yet duplex) apartment.
And the answers to burning questions! Not questions that burn...just questions that are.

Peace ya'll.
Go find something to do with yourselves.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Insert Evil Maniacal Laughter Here


My evil plan is finally working!

Hey, Tom Cruise, I've got $2.63 in my pocket. Bet ya wanna sell pictures of that fake-baby now!

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Humpday Blues

Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.
Snarl.Snarl.Snarl.Snarl. ROAR.
Grumble.Grumble.Grumble.Grumble.Grumble.Grumble.Grumble.Grumble.
GNAP. GNAP. GNAP.
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa*gasp*aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate.
Sigh.
Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.
Weep. Weep. Weep.Weep.Weep.Weep.Weep.Weep.Weep.
Bachomp. Bachomp. Bachewy-chomp.
I fart in your general direction.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.
Hate.Hate.Hate.
GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME, YOU DAMN, DIRTY APES!!!!


end transmition.

Friday, August 11, 2006

Awwwwww



That's all. Nothing else for now.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Who Am I Kidding?

There's just no getting any writing done while Anthony Bourdain is on the television.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Speaking of Headaches...

I got nothing. Except to insist that you watch this spectacularness all the way through.
God Bless Steve Guttenberg.

**NOTE: This used to contain a link to the YouTube videocast of the title credits sequence to the 1980 movie "Can't Stop The Music," a pseudo-bio-pic about The Village People.

Alas, apparently YouTube didn't actually have the rights to show the clip and have, as such, removed it. So the video link doesn't work.
But, if you are interested in learning more about this film please check THIS out.


I Have A Headache This Big...

And it's got Heat Wave written all over it.
Damn, it's hot.
It's check-on-the-elderly hot.
I don't think I know any elderly...Hell, I don't even know my neighbors (except for the bar across the street...Hi!)

Would someone please turn off the sun? Do a rain dance, cause some sort of eclipse...anything.

I CANNOT STAND THE CONSTANT SWEATING ANYMORE!


Just another reason while my The Boyfriend and I will never be able to live in New Orleans year round.
Also why I am going home tonight and taking a bath in swirly-fun popsicles.

Blech.




I believe this is a fair representation of the evil, evil sun that continues to pound it's death rays down on us. Haaaaaate.