Is it wrong that i just can't take any more?
I can't watch the news.
I can't listen to the radio.
I can't read the newspaper or look at any more pictures.
I just cannot do it.
Katrina has taken it's toll. All across the country. Way North of the Mason-Dixon line we are all feeling it.
My household prepares for refugees.
My household waits with baited breath for phone calls from loved ones still MIA.
My household is stocking up on snacky cakes, cheesy poofs and hard liquor.
Currently i am sitting at work fighting off a full fledged anxiety attack.
Currently my brain is shutting out the sounds of NPR from the cube next door where they are talking about how long it is going to take...how there's no more room in Houston, how the govenor and the mayor and the state representatives are waiting (like i am waiting) for help, for aid, for the waters to receed. for their city to be on it's way to whole again.
Currently i am crying a little after reading Clover's blog entry about the guy who had to leave his cats behind. Because I could never. And because Bird's dad might have.
Except we haven't heard from Bird's dad so we don't really know what he might or might not have done.
We hope he might not have stayed. As friends stayed, worried about property. Thinking, with somewhat youthful bravado, that they could stick it out.
Becknell where are you?
Currently I am wracking my brain to remember the tricks my therapist taught me to prevent full blown panic. I'm supposed to be tapping something...somwhere...my fist to my forehead? Or maybe just putting my head down.
Currently Bird's mom makes her way from Georgia to Taos where there is refuge for her. But only her. Everything she owned is gone. I can't imagine how my mom would deal with losing all of her pictures of me, my grandmother, my aunts and uncles and cousins and everyone else.I can't imagine what i would do if i lost all of my books.
Currently i wish i could give everything i have over to everyone who has lost so much.
Currently my job entails keeping track of all the broadcasting locations affected by Hurricane Katrina. The list is long. The list gets longer. The list will be for a long time.
For the future, we have Saints tickets for Christmas eve.
For the future, we were planning to spend Christmas with Bird's family.
For the future, we wonder if there will be a city to christmas in, a house to christmas in, a reason for christmas.
For the future...and it might be a long time coming. But there will be a future.
That city is old. That city is stubborn. That city has way too much of a good time to give up just because of a little water, damnit.
For the future I will drink a long, tall glass of hurricane. I will toast the town and the forces of nature that stack the odds against us all.