Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Love In The Time of Cold Remedies

Ahhh Valentine's Day.
In honor of this most auspicious holiday marketing scheme here is a list of the other things that annoy me:

* Men blaming women for Valentine's Day.
You know, if some people thought to be more considerate and perhaps more caring towards other people on a regular basis (and without prompting) throughout the year maybe we all wouldn't be in this heart-shaped pickle, now would we?
Is it so hard to buy a bouquet of flowers every once in a while? Sheesh.
Ahh, not that I condone laying on the pressure for expensive baubbles and/or trinkets either. The entire thing is a gross misappropriation of perfectly good emotions if you ask me.
Just stop blaming me for the whole thing.

* Food voyeurs.
The next person who comes up to me and starts sniffing my food at lunch is going to get a face full of ...well, whatever it is I'm heating up at the time. I don't sniff at your food now do I? Scram.

* The CTA.
Specifically the Blue Line and the Damen Bus.
SpSpecifically having to wait a full 40 minutes for both/either of the above.
SpSpSpecifically having the above mentioned wait quadruple my commute time.
SpSpSpSpecifically when it's 10 FREAKIN DEGREES OUTSIDE.
Thanks CTA, I'm so glad the revenue from all of those fare hikes is being put to good use.
Douchebags.

*The Cold. The Cold. Oh The Cold. Please God Make It Stop Being So Cold.
It's very difficult to reach into my pockets when I'm fully dressed and leaving the house in the mornings. I can't answer my cell phone if it rings when I'm outside. I can't, physically, get to the inside of my pocket. It makes me crazy. My fingers are virtually useless inside my gloves. My scarf is so big, and wound so high on my face that my neck is immobilized. And I so wasn't kidding about waddling to the bus stop in the mornings. Today it was a pair of tights, a pair of wool leggings, one pair of cotton socks and a pair of wool socks underneath the big, pink snow boots and my jeans. So much. Too much. Enough.
Thank you.

*Commercials.
Dear The Violent Femmes,
So sorry to hear you have fallen upon hard times. I guess you should have invested some of that early-eighties cashola a little bit better. Maybe then you wouldn't have had to sell one of the most awesomest songs EVER to Wendy's. Dudes.

*Oprah.
Still.

That's it.
Right now.
I'm gonna go work on the one-act.

3 comments:

hackimer said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
hackimer said...

heartpickle here:
http://docs.google.com/Doc?id=d4qzqph_1f7j72j

************************* said...

I just read your blog today my dear and man do I know the thing about the Violent Femmes. I fell off the couch when I realized what I was dancing to was a Wendy's commercial. Soooooooo depressed.